Panic Show @ Redrocks- non Zman

This cracked me up...worth a post

Panic Show @ Redrocks

Saturday, June 28

4:00am - Wake up after 3 hours of sleep and take a cab to Logan airport.

10:30am - Arrive Denver Intl. airport, meet up with friend, Mat, rent car,
drive to liquor store.

11:30am - Enter liquor store and buy a case of Coors and a case of Coors
Light (we're in Colorado after all). Also buy flimsy styrofoam cooler that
is sure to break before the day is over.

11:33am - Flimsy styrofoam cooler falls over and breaks as I wheel out of
liquor store parking lot. Go back to liquor store for second flimsy
styrofoam cooler.

11:45am - Arrive at the 6th Ave. Travelodge. As I am stepping out of the
car, a car pulls up and a guy leans out of the passenger side window to
offer me mushroom chocolates at $20 a pop. I ask him if one will do the
trick. He says yes. I buy two.

2:00pm - Follow my friend Hugo and others into the Red Rocks parking lot.
He drives a sky blue '76 Cadillac El Dorado convertible (hip). I'm driving a
maroon Mazda 626 (loser). I proceed to scour the parking lot for the
prerequisite ammunition I will need for the show. As I am buying a
one-hitter from a dirty, bearded guy, a dirty, hairy-legged girl approaches
me about some "blueberry organics from Oregon". I give her a perplexed look
before concluding she must be selling mushrooms and bring her back to our
car. My friends buy an ounce for all of us. I buy a quarter for backup.

2:40pm - A girl asks us if we want any "Puff". 10 minutes later, a guy asks
us if we want any "Dust". It quickly dawns on me that I am getting old if I
am no longer familiar with the latest drug trends. We reject both and decide
to stick with the stuff we know will **** us up.

4:30pm - After numerous Coors Regulars, a couple of joints and a handful of
caps, I've got a pretty good buzz going, especially for a Saturday
afternoon. My friend Mat and I decide to eat our little chocolate treats
which have been chilling in the flimsy styro foam cooler. We notice they are
shaped like Denver Bronco heads.

4:31pm - We head into the show early to get good seats.

4:45pm - While waiting in line to get in, I notice that my friend Mat is
starting to glance around nervously. When questioned, he tells me that we
have to get into the show NOW! He also tells me if it rains, it might have
serious consequences for his mental health. He also informs me that the
handrail he is clutching with both hands is a dear friend that he's known
since childhood. Looks like the guy was right about the chocolates.

5:00 - We take our seats on row 30. Neurons are definitely doing a little
dance in my head now. I perk up my ears when I overhear the guy behind us
mention Denver Bronco chocolates. He advises his buddy to "only eat half or
maybe even just a quarter" unless he wants to spend the entire show on
Pluto. I turn to my friend Mat. He is a slobbering, incoherent mess. I write
him off as a mushroom casualty after it takes him at least half an hour to
decide which restroom he should use.

5:30 - Still 2 hours until the band comes on. The grassy hill to the right
of the stage erupts into a ball of green flames. I look away in horror and
decide to concentrate on a harmless rock formation. Only problem is this
rock formation is really a giant iguana that is trying to eat one of the
speaker set-ups.

6:45 - Most of the people in the group I'm with have also procured some of
these potent little mind-blasting chocolates. They inquire how they are
treating me. As one guy's face contorts into something out of a bad '80s
horror flick, I lie and tell everybody that I don't really feel anything.
It's probably better that they take everything in the arsenal because these
things are pretty weak. I decide if I'm going to be sailing the high sees of
hysteria, everyone's going to be on the same ****ed-up boat. One girl eyes
me suspiciously and remarks that my eyeballs look like black marbles. I turn
away to see if the iguana has crept any closer.

6:00 - After the green tarp we're sitting on sucks my beer down into its
gullet, I turn to my friends and ask if everyone is ready to go. They remind
me that the band hasn't even come on yet. Oh right! We're here to see a
Panic show and there's still AT LEAST AN HOUR 'TIL SHOWTIME!

7:00 - The band (at this point I don't even know who it is we're here to
see - Lightspeed Tantric or something) is late. By this time my entire group
of people is a complete train wreck. Total chaos and incoherence. One girl
is crying. I laugh at her. I ponder going to the rest room but decide the 15
minute journey would be about 14 minutes and 30 seconds longer than my
jellied brain could handle. I decide to piss in a beer bottle. I notice a
young lady staring at me, appalled. I tell her not to worry and that I'm
from Tennessee, "where it's OK to piss outdoors." The nervous laughter
quotient of the surrounding crowd is very high at this point.

7:30 - YESSSSSS!!!!! The band comes on. And the iguana doesn't even try to
eat them! For the next 4 hours I intermittently find myself dancing and
sometimes standing still just staring into space. I believe some drooling
was involved somewhere in there. At set break I wash down another handful of
shrooms with some smuggled 1800 tequila. The rest of the night is more or
less blank. I remember being lost in a parking lot. I remember the look of
fear on the Travelodge desk clerk's face when I tried to check in at
midnight. I also remember that there was a group of aging hippies (50-60
years old) in front of us who were partying harder than anyone in the place
and it gave me hope.